I Can do Hard Things

This is a saying that I heard from Sis. Elaine Dalton in a few of her talks. I keep it in the forefront of my mind, especially through the last few years.

However I had forgotten it lately and have been wading through some difficult emotional learning/development. I guess although I can do hard things, I can also feel some very strong emotions along with the "doing".

Thursday, I read Susan's blog post titled "I am wonder woman". I was so impressed at the understanding of the fact that even though she may not be able to do everything, she can do some hard things, and that can make her feel like wonder woman. I felt inspired to do the things I thought I couldn't do.

Soooo, very shortly after coming to my conclusion, I got a phone call asking me to drive girls to the 4th year pre-hike on Saturday. I thought of all the things I had planned for that day, but I ultimately knew that it was part of my calling, and I shouldn't say no.

I drove 4 girls up to a place I had never been before, a little terrified, when I'd heard the weather report that it was supposed to be 99 degrees that day!!! Next I heard that it was a 3 mile hike. I was worried some more. (I don't know why, I just thought 3 miles sounds like a really long distance.)

As we began to hike, I stayed close to the girls, and enjoyed the time we had together. I remembered how much I had enjoyed hiking and rock climbing as a teen. We rested in an alcove where there was shade, and got a drink or a snack. From this point on, the hike was more climbing up rocks than just walking, to get to the cave at the top. We waited in the alcove so that the climbers ahead of us could come down safely, and so that we wouldn't interfere with each others climb. I enjoyed the climb up until it occurred to me that we had to come back down the same way, and that didn't seem so easy.

You see, so often in life, I just try to get through what is just in front of me, with out much thought into the future. I'm just trying to conquer right now. Well, I trusted the expert hikers that brought us on this hike that they would be able to get us down, even though I joked about calling a helicopter to come get me back off the mountain. We climbed, we conquered, we made it to the top. All the girls ahead of me had disappeared into the "cave" that I had heard about, and I expected to see the large mouth opening of a cave big enough to explore and hold all the girls that had now disappeared. I got to the top feeling quite at ease that I had "done it", when I turned the corner to see a small opening the height of half a doorway, and much more narrow. I turned back around in panic. I couldn't even look at that small opening.

My panic took me back probably 10 years. I had gone under the kids' bunk bed to get something and got stuck. Although it was very temporary, it was still quite traumatic and I still hate the feeling of squeezing into tight places.

Then I thought about "I am wonder woman"

I felt tears come to my eyes, and I was embarrassed to have anyone else see them. Yet I was terrified, of an unseen demon... getting stuck in a cave with a doorway that was obviously plenty big for me and every other girl and a few men to have fit through. I didn't have a flashlight.... but some one loaned me one. I had to do it. I wasn't going to make anyone else miss out on this opportunity to see the cave, because they were worried about me. I took a deep breath and put my fear into a little lock box at the back of my psyche, and followed the girls into the cave.

We got down the initial opening to the cave and it was actually a very big cavern. We all grouped together and took a head count, and had a discussion about the intricacies of the cave, then, we were told that the cave went back further and that we could go back and explore if we wanted to.

I don't think I really wanted to, but I didn't want to miss out on anything simply because of my fear. I followed the girls back into the cave. Some of the openings we had to slip through were so small that you had to be almost in a horizontal position sliding in feet first to get down into the next section. I actually think that everyone who went hit their head on a stalactite somewhere. The cave ceiling was not tall enough to stand in most of it. I just watched the girls in front of me, and followed what they did. I followed them down as far as it would go. Thinking the whole time. My kids would love this, but I couldn't watch them do this stuff, that's a whole new level of fear.

As we started back out of the deep recesses of the cave there was a bunch of us in a large section/room and I wasn't sure how to get out from there. After several inquiries, it was determined that the way out was straight up a rock (about 5 feet tall) and through an opening no more that 2 feet wide. Just thinking about it makes me cry from fear, but at the time, there was another girl that was even more scared. She seemed paralyzed, a feeling I understood, and insisted that she couldn't do it. I immediately sat and talked to her, and then we went up together, with the help of at least 4 other girls and leaders. We came out of the cave okay, and it was an experience I will never forget. We also got back down from the rocks that we first climbed up, and it wasn't so bad at all.

Sis. McCombs called me this morning and said that she had been teaching seminary and they had been a discusing the scripture -- 2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. She wanted to share my experience with her seminary class. Even though it seems embarrassing to me, it made me think.

I suppose God helped me to conquer my fear through 1)power-- the flashlight that helped me to see what was ahead of me, and the priesthood leader that was already in the cave, ready to lead us and make sure we were safe. 2)Love-- The other leaders showed concern for me to make sure I would be okay, and I was able to forget myself and love the girls who needed guiding through the cave, and the hard part... getting back out. and 3) a sound mind-- although the fear was irrational, it was very real to me, but through simply watching the girl in front of me, and doing what she did, I knew that I would be able to get through the cave, and the hike... If the girls could do it, there was no reason why I couldn't do it. Easier said than done, but I did it.

Now I know that "I can do hard things."